We al have a comfort zone whether we acknowledge it or not.
Quite simply, our comfort zone defines the limits of our lives. Although these limits (i.e., limiting beliefs) are invisible themselves they do have VERY visible effects. Becuase of this you can "reverse engineer" to find out what your comfort zone is. We can find out what our TRUE beliefs are, rather than what we SAY they are (i.e., the kind of stuff people spout off in seminars to make them look good in front of others or what they WANT to believe they believe). There is often a very huge difference.
So how do we determine what our true beliefs are?
Simple. If you want to know your comfort zone is (i.e., your TRUE beliefs) look at your results and then from your results look at the actions that produced these results. Once you know the REAL actions you are taking consistently that produce these results you can then ask yourself questions like:
What would I have to believe to take these actions?
Based on my actions, what are my beliefs?
By asking these, and similiar questions, about any area of your life you can determine your REAL set of beliefs for this area (ex. money, relationships, health, career, etc.). YOUR BELIEFS LEAVE CLUES IN YOUR ACTIONS.
Once you have discovered what beliefs were required to produce the actions and thus the results you have determined your comfort zone in an area of your life.
And this is why I say that your comfort zone (your true set of beliefs) determines your life (or at least, your quality of life).
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Strength of Reality, Validation & Success
Internal vs. External Validation; Control
As long as you are dependant on others to tell you who you are you will lack some degree of control over your life. You must be internally validated to really be in control of your life.
In fact, if you want to control your life you must trust yourself. In the long run you are better off to make a mistake, figure out what you need to change then to simply blindly follow someone over yourself (ie. trust them more than yourself). The only exception is, of course, is if the mistake has disastouros consequences such as death or serious injury.
The Power of Strength of Reality
The stronger your sense of reality/ identity the less likely it is to be disrupted by someone else trying to impose their sense of reality on you. You see, if someone is more certain about who you are than you are they will be able to exert a psychological presure that will overwhelm your natural psycholical defenses. They will be able to impose their reality on you.
Stated another way, if they are more certain of who you are than you are of who you are they will be able to control your by dictating your sense of reality.
In other words, they will be able to mess with your mind (your sense of identity, your sense of reality). They will be able to control you by defining you.
This is why you have to be clear about who you are and who you associate with. If you don't have a strong sense of who you are you are asking others to mess with your sense of reality and to redefine it for their purposes.
This is also why beta males stay beta males. You see, it is in the best interest of the alpha males around the beta male to keep him weak (weak sense of reality/ identity). That way they can always override the beta males sense of reality when it suits them. This is why often alpha males will mess with the mind of beta males even when it offers no obvious advantage to them. They don't want the beta males sense of reality to get too strong or else the alphas will lose control of the beta males.
An example of this is when one guy out alphas another guy in competition for a woamn at a night club. The more alpha male redefines the reality for the less alpha male and the less alpha/ beta male ends up without the girl.
Strength of Reality and Success
One thing you will notice about those who are most successful is that they rarely, if ever, get their reailty disrupted. They stay calm and in control virtually no matter what. They are so strongly entrenched in their sense of reality that they are naturally unreactive. The stronger your sense of reality the less reactive you will naturally be and the less likely others or external circumstances are to disrupt your sense of reality.
This means that they stay focused on what they really want and make steady progress. They don't have their energy drained by having their sense of reality continously disrupted. They use their energy to make progress not to continously question themselves or to readjust their sense of reality. They stay on course virtually no matter what. And this consistency leads to a lot of success.
As long as you are dependant on others to tell you who you are you will lack some degree of control over your life. You must be internally validated to really be in control of your life.
In fact, if you want to control your life you must trust yourself. In the long run you are better off to make a mistake, figure out what you need to change then to simply blindly follow someone over yourself (ie. trust them more than yourself). The only exception is, of course, is if the mistake has disastouros consequences such as death or serious injury.
The Power of Strength of Reality
The stronger your sense of reality/ identity the less likely it is to be disrupted by someone else trying to impose their sense of reality on you. You see, if someone is more certain about who you are than you are they will be able to exert a psychological presure that will overwhelm your natural psycholical defenses. They will be able to impose their reality on you.
Stated another way, if they are more certain of who you are than you are of who you are they will be able to control your by dictating your sense of reality.
In other words, they will be able to mess with your mind (your sense of identity, your sense of reality). They will be able to control you by defining you.
This is why you have to be clear about who you are and who you associate with. If you don't have a strong sense of who you are you are asking others to mess with your sense of reality and to redefine it for their purposes.
This is also why beta males stay beta males. You see, it is in the best interest of the alpha males around the beta male to keep him weak (weak sense of reality/ identity). That way they can always override the beta males sense of reality when it suits them. This is why often alpha males will mess with the mind of beta males even when it offers no obvious advantage to them. They don't want the beta males sense of reality to get too strong or else the alphas will lose control of the beta males.
An example of this is when one guy out alphas another guy in competition for a woamn at a night club. The more alpha male redefines the reality for the less alpha male and the less alpha/ beta male ends up without the girl.
Strength of Reality and Success
One thing you will notice about those who are most successful is that they rarely, if ever, get their reailty disrupted. They stay calm and in control virtually no matter what. They are so strongly entrenched in their sense of reality that they are naturally unreactive. The stronger your sense of reality the less reactive you will naturally be and the less likely others or external circumstances are to disrupt your sense of reality.
This means that they stay focused on what they really want and make steady progress. They don't have their energy drained by having their sense of reality continously disrupted. They use their energy to make progress not to continously question themselves or to readjust their sense of reality. They stay on course virtually no matter what. And this consistency leads to a lot of success.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Why Acceptance is Important
We are often told that it is important to accept our situation but we are rarely, if ever, told why.
The reasons are actually quite simple.
First, with acceptance we free up a lot of energy as we are no longer fighting ourselves. This, in itself, can often massively improve our lives.
Another thing is that acceptance allows us to look at our problems somewhat objectively. Oftentimes, through acceptance, we can see possibilities that may have eluded us when we were resisting the problem.
By the way, when I say. "resisting the problem" I am NOT saying "focusing on the problem". I am saying that we are "fighting the problem" with disempowering emotions such as anger, fear or self pity. In other words, we are fighting ourselves. A guaranteed losing strategy.
What I am trying to sya is that although we need to clearly DEFINE the problem we need to be careful not FEEL BAD about it.
You see, the problem is not the problem. The problem is RESISTANCE to the problem. In other words, what we resist persists. Conversally, what we accept we gain the ability to utilize.
How does acceptance allow us to utilize the problem?
Simple. By acceptance we not only free up energy and see the problem more objectively but we see the opportunity that is inevitably contained in the problem. We open ourselves up to learn the LESSONS in the problem.
Acceptance leads to focusing on solution. Focusing on solutions leads finding ways of dealing with or turning around the problem (i.e., it gives you ideas for taking right action). As you translate these ideas of right action into action you empower yourself and thus you grow from your problem. Or, to be more accurate, you grow from ACCEPTANCE of your problem.
The reasons are actually quite simple.
First, with acceptance we free up a lot of energy as we are no longer fighting ourselves. This, in itself, can often massively improve our lives.
Another thing is that acceptance allows us to look at our problems somewhat objectively. Oftentimes, through acceptance, we can see possibilities that may have eluded us when we were resisting the problem.
By the way, when I say. "resisting the problem" I am NOT saying "focusing on the problem". I am saying that we are "fighting the problem" with disempowering emotions such as anger, fear or self pity. In other words, we are fighting ourselves. A guaranteed losing strategy.
What I am trying to sya is that although we need to clearly DEFINE the problem we need to be careful not FEEL BAD about it.
You see, the problem is not the problem. The problem is RESISTANCE to the problem. In other words, what we resist persists. Conversally, what we accept we gain the ability to utilize.
How does acceptance allow us to utilize the problem?
Simple. By acceptance we not only free up energy and see the problem more objectively but we see the opportunity that is inevitably contained in the problem. We open ourselves up to learn the LESSONS in the problem.
Acceptance leads to focusing on solution. Focusing on solutions leads finding ways of dealing with or turning around the problem (i.e., it gives you ideas for taking right action). As you translate these ideas of right action into action you empower yourself and thus you grow from your problem. Or, to be more accurate, you grow from ACCEPTANCE of your problem.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Internal Motivation
The simple truth is that to be successful at anything you must be internally motivated.
The outside world simply provides such random and sporadic feedback that you can't count on it to keep you inspired.
You must continually inspire yourself as, quite frankly, no one else really cares that much.
Why?
Because they are too busy with their own lives to reaaly care about you all that much.
This even includes your loved ones, for the most part. With few excpetions, we are simply too busy/ too self absorbed to care that much about other people, inspite of pretenmses to the contrary.
The outside world simply provides such random and sporadic feedback that you can't count on it to keep you inspired.
You must continually inspire yourself as, quite frankly, no one else really cares that much.
Why?
Because they are too busy with their own lives to reaaly care about you all that much.
This even includes your loved ones, for the most part. With few excpetions, we are simply too busy/ too self absorbed to care that much about other people, inspite of pretenmses to the contrary.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Discipline and Doing What You Love
Something that is never talked about, to the best of my knowledge, is that fact that to be most effective at discipling yourself you also have to be spending time doing what you love.
Why is that?
Beacuse life is about balance.
The problem with simply doing what you feel you must is that soone or later you will rebel. No one like too many musts in their lives.
In fact, I find that when I don't do what I love I find it hard to discipline myslef to do what I must.
I suspect that if you think about this you will find that it is true for you too.
The simple truth is that doing what you love (such as, in my case, blogging) provides me with the fuel to do what I must.
Why is that?
Beacuse life is about balance.
The problem with simply doing what you feel you must is that soone or later you will rebel. No one like too many musts in their lives.
In fact, I find that when I don't do what I love I find it hard to discipline myslef to do what I must.
I suspect that if you think about this you will find that it is true for you too.
The simple truth is that doing what you love (such as, in my case, blogging) provides me with the fuel to do what I must.
Being Run By Fear
As I think back, I realize how often my life has been run by fear.
Even worse, fear without me even knowing it. So often, I don't even try because I am being subconsciously controlled by my fear.
In fact, it gets so bad that for me to even THINK about my dreams can cause me to feel fear.
As I write this I realize how deeply fear has controlled my life. Vague fear, unnamed fear. I literally can't count the number of tyimes I have gotten up with panic attacks.
And NOTHING keeps you stuck like fear (except possibly shame).
In fact, that is probably the reason I write these blogs.
It is a way of me connecting to a deeper part of me. It is a way of me becoming unstuck my acknowledging my fear and shame so I can let it go and move on.
Even worse, fear without me even knowing it. So often, I don't even try because I am being subconsciously controlled by my fear.
In fact, it gets so bad that for me to even THINK about my dreams can cause me to feel fear.
As I write this I realize how deeply fear has controlled my life. Vague fear, unnamed fear. I literally can't count the number of tyimes I have gotten up with panic attacks.
And NOTHING keeps you stuck like fear (except possibly shame).
In fact, that is probably the reason I write these blogs.
It is a way of me connecting to a deeper part of me. It is a way of me becoming unstuck my acknowledging my fear and shame so I can let it go and move on.
Perpetual Distraction
It seems like I do everything but blog.
In my life I seem to lead a life of "perpetual distraction". There is always time to do everything but what I enjoy most.
I always seems toi find an excuse to major in minor things. I am amazed at how unproductive I so often am. It is amazing how little you get accomplished when you just keep on distracting yourself.
It is like you are avoiding getting around to what really matters.
Maybe I am afreaid of failure (or is it success?).
It is so easy to be comfortable rather than follow your dreams.
It is so easy to be distracted than to follow your heart.
The reality is that when you do follow your heart you are far more productive in the rest of your time.
Why?
Because there is no one so unproductive as someone who is bored. It is amazing how much time you can waste when you are doing nothing that inspires you.
In my life I seem to lead a life of "perpetual distraction". There is always time to do everything but what I enjoy most.
I always seems toi find an excuse to major in minor things. I am amazed at how unproductive I so often am. It is amazing how little you get accomplished when you just keep on distracting yourself.
It is like you are avoiding getting around to what really matters.
Maybe I am afreaid of failure (or is it success?).
It is so easy to be comfortable rather than follow your dreams.
It is so easy to be distracted than to follow your heart.
The reality is that when you do follow your heart you are far more productive in the rest of your time.
Why?
Because there is no one so unproductive as someone who is bored. It is amazing how much time you can waste when you are doing nothing that inspires you.
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